Letting Go

There are so many things I love about acting- becoming a character, relating to other people through that character, and giving everything to a story that isn’t my own. But, once I give myself fully to the character, I realize the hard part is getting out of it.
At the end of last month, our group (the Elements Apprentices), put on a showcase of the play Proof by David Auburn. I had the pleasure of playing Catherine, the brilliant daughter of a mathematician, who believes she is going crazy. At the beginning of the rehearsal process I felt like “Catherine” wasn’t coming across, but towards the end I felt much more connected to her. When we finally did our two performances, I felt like Catherine and I were the same person. I felt schizophrenic and literally crazy. I felt like I had really become the character. So, when it was all over it was very hard to transition out of being Catherine, and go back to being me. What was the character and what was me? For days afterward, people would ask me if I was still being Catherine, and I realized I was acting a lot like her. Was I still being her, or had I moved on, back to normal life? I think the only conclusion I can make is, I connected with the character and the borders between her personality and mine were blurred. Now, I need to say goodbye to Catherine, and move forward, as myself.

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